Turns out, Acrobat provides a scripting language (uses JavaScript syntax) that allows you to create buttons that do something, forms that auto-complete, and most importantly (for me) batch scripts that create or modify documents.

Basically, I read this and this, then I pasted the following into the interactive debugger, and hit ctrl-enter. If I had ever wanted to do this on multiple files, I could have saved it as a batch script:

var filename = this.path;
console.println("filename = "+filename);
for ( var i = 4; i < this.numPages; i+=4 )
{
   this.insertPages(i,filename,i+2);
   this.deletePages(i+3);
   console.println("Pages "+i+"-"+(i+3));
}

1. You scan in a file two pages at a time.
2. The pages are a little skewed, but the two pages are skewed a little differently.
3. OCR doesn’t work too well.

The solution to this problem was found here. In short, you print to PDF using Acrobat. Then, in the print options specify to “Tile Large Pages”. Look at the preview image, and adjust the margins and scaling so the split happens in the appropriate place. Hit print, and save as another file. Then, run OCR on that new file. The pages can then be deskewed separately. PRETTY NIFTY!

9:30am-10:30am

11:00-2:00

3:00-5:00

I was so lost in thought that I completely forgot to shake hands with the man next to me.  He looked up and made that awkward half-motion with his arm — as a polite reminder of my social blunder.  I apologized, mumbling my wish that I he have a pleasant day.  As common and impersonal as these greetings were, it always amazed me how offended people became — how offended I became — when they were neglected.  I let go of his hand, but as I did, I noticed a curious bulge underneath his cuff.  It was the right shape, so I couldn’t help but to ask him what it was.  “This?” he carefully rolled up his sleeve.  “I don’t really know exactly.  I think it’s dead or sick.  I found it lying on the street, and was trying to keep it warm.”

Being something of an authority in ancient artifacts, I actually have in my possession the remains of two of the first true watches known to have been contacted by early humans:  First, the now-famous “Palm,” which I discovered almost perfectly preserved in the sands of the Great Northern Desert.  As I’m sure you remember from your biology instruction, the inscription and human information recovered from the device’s belly prove that our ancestors attempted to relate to their machines long before reciprocation was possible.  The other of my true clocks is a device which was found wrapped around the wrist of ancient human remains.  While the almost ludicrous simplicity of it’s semiconductor-metal body certainly prevented conscious thought, the device seems to have been capable of primitive emotion, as evidenced by its attempt to “hold hands” with its dying master.

In an age where the solar year is no more relevant than the time of day, I’m sure you’re getting a little bored by all of this talk of the past.  But, first, this story is about today.  And, last, I’m not interested in entertaining you.  I just want us to think about who we really are, to feel what it is to — well, you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

For a long time, that album title seemed just about the best epitaph a person could wish for:  to be known as someone who breathed in the good and the bad — and sang about it — because all of life was something to cherish.  So, there were rainy, dreary days where I would look up at the gray sky, feel the cold drizzle against my face, and be glad of it.  There were times when I had a bittersweet chuckle or two about a particularly hurtful thing someone had said to me.  Even death itself seemed to be just another facet to the magic of life.  To me, life was like dark chocolate — the touch bitterness made it all the more sweet.

But, quite frankly, I’m not all that into sweets these days.  They’re bad for your teeth, and too much sugar isn’t good for your heart.  I’m tired of floating through life in a hypothetical haze of romantic musing.  What I’m hungry for is some good honest work, and the meat & potatoes to get it done.  It’s going to take some time to fully adjust my mindset, but I’m honestly going to try to spend less time looking for the good in bad situations — and work toward making the world an objectively better place for us all.

But, the fact of the matter is that the psychology of violence has been really pressing on my mind for quite some time.  I think it started when I spent an evening watching the two most recent Batman movies.  Why is it that we (myself included) cheer for someone who is, in his own words, NOT a hero?  Do we really care so much about the fact that the Dark Knight is bashing bad guys, or do we just want to see a good fight?  I have to tell you, it scared me a little when I found myself seeing the sense in the Joker’s mad grin — inwardly applauding the raw honesty behind his cash bonfire and his refusal to even attempt a justification of his actions.  He just wanted to watch the world burn.  In the months that followed, I tried to shake a growing understanding of how a sane person could feel the same way.

Today’s world has so many pointless causes that people devote their lives to.  I go to work, and I see people who have worked basically 60 hours a week (without getting paid overtime) for 30 years just to get a better job title and a pat on the back from management.  I go to school, and I see people living alone, with minimal sleep, and without proper nourishment for decades — just to get a couple of papers published in a journal that itself is only read by a few academic specialists.  I suppose you could say something about how society needs hard workers and specialists in order to preserve our way of life.  Heck, look at all the good these kind of people have done:  Life-saving medicines, worldwide and accessible communication, and freedom from primitive superstitions.

And that laid my fears to rest.  For a while.  That is, until the validity of “progress” itself was brought into question.  If our basic human needs and problems haven’t changed since the beginning of time, why on earth are we wasting our time making up new needs to fulfill and new problems to solve?  I know it sounds cruel, but if you really think about it, “saving lives” is nothing more than delaying the inevitable for a couple more years.  It’s great that we can have a real-time chat with an e-friend in China using Google’s translation bot, but why can’t we even nod at the neighbor we pass on the sidewalk?  Sometimes I have to wonder if the enormous all-consuming blind trust that people put in technology makes even less sense (and is more dangerous) than the superstitions that science has dispelled.  And then, I watched Fight Club.

Probably not a good idea, in hindsight.  But the fact was that now instead of a general feeling of disenchantment toward society, I felt sympathy and a strange sense of admiration for those who wanted to give our world a “clean slate.”  From a precarious perch atop our industrialist castles made of sand, taking our society “back to zero” sounded like a pretty good idea.  The violent extremists we call “terrorists” still seemed absolutely disgusting to me, since their goal was merely to replace the existing system with their own equally pointless one — be it religious, environmental, or socio-political.  But, the vandals, the arsonists, the crazies who roam the streets looking for a fight, the few instruments of pure chaos — seemed something akin to a cleansing storm that rips the garbage from our clinging hands and leaves us free to truly live.  With basic reasoning and observational skills, I had independently come to the same conclusions that finally drove one “mad” intellectual to randomly distribute the 16 hand-crafted bombs that cost 3 lives and brought on one of the most expensive FBI investigations in US history.

But, life — or I rather think, God — took me in a different direction:  Directly into a baby deer.  I was out running one evening, thinking to myself how pointless this modern world was, and how great it would be if I didn’t have the all troubles of a “career” before me.  Instead of being forced to force myself to stay in shape, what if physical exercise was merely a part of survival?  How refreshing it would be to live with your only worry being whether you would find food for the day!  Startling me out of my self-pity, the most frightened and absolutely adorable animal I have ever seen jumped directly into my path.  And right then and there all of my nihilistic musings seemed utterly ludicrous.  Despite all its problems, there IS beauty and goodness in today’s world — and I was closing my eyes to it.  We don’t need to blow up a credit card company or “hit bottom” to appreciate life, or to give others that opportunity.  You can laugh at the sun on your face or smile at a stranger whether you live in a society focusing on survival or one that is driven by a complicated mixture of sense and nonsense.  The world isn’t ever going to be “fixed.”  No amount of construction or destruction is going to create the perfect society.  And, finally, I’m OK with that.  God has a job for me to do.  It might be small, and it certainly won’t completely revolutionize the world.  But, quite honestly, changing the world isn’t what life is about.  It’s about stubbed toes and the sheer magic of each breath.  It’s about plans, disappointment, and fulfillment — sharing our love, tears, anger, and forgiveness — it’s about being there for someone else.  Life is relationships with God and other people.  And, I don’t want to miss out on that for anything.

Hello everyone!  As you may have noticed, Mrs. Bays is not here this week.  She’s visiting relatives for a family reunion.  Anyway, she asked me to fill in.  I’m Josiah — I think I know all of your names, and I’m sure you all have a vague idea of who I am.  But, since this is my first time as a substitute, I thought we’d go around and say one thing and type of person we like and dislike.

1. 1 Sam 24-26:1-6  Enemies are forever.  Watch out!
   1. A lot of people think that Christians have to be everyone’s friend, but they don’t.  We don’t have to LIKE everyone — we have to treat them like God wants us to — but that doesn’t mean we have to be stupid:
   2. If there’s someone who always beats you up, don’t walk by their house.  Example:  Anti-Christian activists on campus:  Don’t give them any reasonable reason to put you down:  1 Tim 4:12
   3. What’s the danger of “watching out” too much?  Stereotypes.  Example:  ”Rich Snobs” “Backward Homeschoolers” “Old People” “Young People”
   4. Conclusion?  Be smart, but don’t stereotype.
2. 1 Sam 26:7-12  Get inside your enemies head.  Know what makes them tick.
   1. Its very easy to hate something you don’t understand.
   2. Saul was helpless. David probably was going to kill Saul, but then thought better of it.
   3. You can’t expect a blind person to act like a seeing one.
   4. The Devil and your own sin nature are often bigger enemies than your human enemies.
   5. Authority figures might be corrupt, and they might do wrong, but they are there because God put them there, and should be respected — not for their own sake, but in order to honor God.  Rom 13:1
   6. Example:  ”One-up-ers”  (SNL Penelope)  In one instance, I met this person’s parents.  They totally ignored her.
3. 1 Sam 26:21-25  Be cool to each other, and party on dudes!
   1. David reasoned with Saul, and teased him a little, but the ultimate goal was for restoration. He could have just ignored Saul, and hoped for judgement like Jonah did for Nineveh.
   2. There will be a heavenly reward.
   3. There will be benefits in this life:  Better relationship with others AND better relationship with God.
   4. God won’t let you be tempted beyond what you can handle 1 Cor 10:13
   5. How exactly can we act righteously toward our enemies?  Don’t just “try to forget.”  Many times, forgiveness isn’t just something you can turn on like a light switch.  Get busy replacing the time you normally spend thinking about what they did to you with time spent doing something for someone else.  Make it personal.  If you’ve been hurt by harsh words, make a point to say at least one encouraging thing to each person you talk to.  In time, as God helps you to move on, maybe you can reach out to the very people who were once your enemies.
4. Action points:
   1. Think of a way to be smart about when to come into contact with potentially harmful people.
   2. Try to learn a little more about your enemies.  Try to understand why the way they are.
   3. Next time you are tempted to treat your enemy badly, look for the “way of escape” that God has promised.

One of the most important reasons to come to church is fellowship with other Christians Heb 10:25.  So, in that spirit, I’ve brought Apples to Apples to play.