Catching flies.

For me, that’s often the most profitable use of opening my mouth.  However, by popular request, I’m forcing myself to recall some of my recent additions to the world’s collective body of unnecessary sound waves:

Situation 1:

A.K.A. “Hal does further damage to human kind.”

It is officially listed as reaching level 6.3 of 10 in Josiah’s Annals of Awkwardness.  The time was 10:20 am, ten minutes before class.  The place was room 112 Macbride Hall, the University of Iowa.  My disposition?  Garrulous.

I said good morning to the student next to me.  Not suspecting my powers of miscommunication, she allowed a dialog to ensue.  In the course of the conversation, something mysterious and inexplicably evil was mentioned.  I, of course, immediately thought this deeply analogous to the large black obelisk in 2001, a Space Odyssey.  “Yes, like the obelisk in that one movie!” I said, not recalling the name of the infamous classic.  I received a quizzical expression.  Surprised that the analogy was not clear, I explained further: “You know, the obelisk that shows up when something learns to kill.”  Further confusion.  “Don’t you remember?  The apes and Hal?”  She still didn’t know what movie I was referring to.  After a spirited description of the film complete with a badly-hummed rendition of Also sprach Zarathustra, I recalled the film’s title.  “Never heard of it.”  We both stared at the empty chalk board at the front of the room.

The clock said that there were only two minutes till class started, but I swear it took at least a countable infinity of seconds for the teacher to come in and break the silence.

The end.

I invite you to come back tomorrow and share my chagrin as I continue with the aptly-titled “Situation 2”.

10 thoughts on “Catching flies.

  1. Ooooh, “The Awkward Silence”! Although, I must admit, had I been the girl, I wouldn’t have known what you were talkin about, either. But I wouldn’t have let that lead to The Awkward Silence. It was her fault, really….she had the opportunity to build on it, asking questions about other movies – asking more about the analogy, telling about her favorite random movie.
    My approach: Well, I am actually doing research with flies (so I was really interested in your title). Anyways, I was in the ENS building late one night, around 11 – I was all dressed in a white lab coat, and feeling very science-y. I turned a corner, and there was a large African American campus security man standing there. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Oh, I’m just waiting for my flies to freeze.”
    “Yes,” I replied nonchalantly and perkily (it’s always best to get on the good side of these men in uniform). He then looked at me rather incredulously…..
    Of course, you could just start to talk about Patch the Pirate. That works for me, too. 🙂 Or opera. Or War and Peace. Or the subleties of diff eq.

  2. Ummm, so that last comment sounded rather convoluted. Man, I hate it when a good story is ruined. Anyways, I said “Oh, I’m just waiting for my flies to freeze.” I then said something else, but I had erased it….he looked at me strangely, I replied “yes” and he still looked at me strangely. Clearer? 🙂

  3. Belprah, that sounds most delightfully awkward — though I think I could still give you some pointers on how to make the situation even more uncomfortable. Like, for instance, you could have said “I’m making fly-cicles. Do you want one?” or “I’m chilling some fruit. Flies, that is. [Laugh uproriously here]” 😉

  4. This topic has been quite entertaining. ;)I’m only left wondering as to what occasion Belprah would be freezing flies.

  5. Alas, will the referred to tomorrow ever come?

    “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you’re always a day away…”

  6. Maybe if I say goodnight tomorrow will come…

    “Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say goodnight till it be morrow…” 🙂

  7. B: I agree. Wholeheartedly.
    J: There’s a time-differential between Josiahland and the “real world.” Kinda like in Narnia — or subspace sink holes in Star Trek. 🙂
    N: Or, perhaps if you say goodnight in that way, you and I will both end up dead by dagger and poison, respectively. 😉

  8. Oh, fiddle-de-dee! I’ll think about *that* tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!

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