Catching flies.

For me, that’s often the most profitable use of opening my mouth.  However, by popular request, I’m forcing myself to recall some of my recent additions to the world’s collective body of unnecessary sound waves:

Situation 1:

A.K.A. “Hal does further damage to human kind.”

It is officially listed as reaching level 6.3 of 10 in Josiah’s Annals of Awkwardness.  The time was 10:20 am, ten minutes before class.  The place was room 112 Macbride Hall, the University of Iowa.  My disposition?  Garrulous.

I said good morning to the student next to me.  Not suspecting my powers of miscommunication, she allowed a dialog to ensue.  In the course of the conversation, something mysterious and inexplicably evil was mentioned.  I, of course, immediately thought this deeply analogous to the large black obelisk in 2001, a Space Odyssey.  “Yes, like the obelisk in that one movie!” I said, not recalling the name of the infamous classic.  I received a quizzical expression.  Surprised that the analogy was not clear, I explained further: “You know, the obelisk that shows up when something learns to kill.”  Further confusion.  “Don’t you remember?  The apes and Hal?”  She still didn’t know what movie I was referring to.  After a spirited description of the film complete with a badly-hummed rendition of Also sprach Zarathustra, I recalled the film’s title.  “Never heard of it.”  We both stared at the empty chalk board at the front of the room.

The clock said that there were only two minutes till class started, but I swear it took at least a countable infinity of seconds for the teacher to come in and break the silence.

The end.

I invite you to come back tomorrow and share my chagrin as I continue with the aptly-titled “Situation 2”.